Impact story | THE FLEMINGS

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We have always felt a call to foster and adopt. When we first married, we planned to wait to have biological children and begin by fostering in a couple years. When we found out we were pregnant just four months after getting married, we knew those plans had to be put on hold. We then continued to have three biological children in four years. There never seemed to be a good time to foster. We were growing our family, Peter was in the Marines and gone the majority of the time, and we were hundreds of miles away from family. But God had different plans for us.

When I was five months pregnant with our third child, God told me it was time to start the process. With a big belly, two toddlers, and a husband in the Middle East. I thought it was the worst possible time to start fostering (which was the best indication that it was indeed God-ordained). When I had a chance to talk to Peter, I planned to tell him what I had heard. However, he decided to beat me to it by saying that he felt God was telling him that we needed to start the fostering process now. That was five years ago, and it has been the most amazing journey.

The biggest challenges have been finding the support and encouragement from others. Many people have preconceived notions about how damaged children in foster care are. Some are hesitant to include them. There is also a huge lack of emotional support for the foster parents. When a family welcomes a new biological child into the family, they are often showered with essential gifts, extra help around the house, and meal trains. They have had nine months to prepare for this child emotionally, mentally, and physically. Foster parents, however, may get a call just moments before children are brought to their doorsteps. Many times they come with little to no belongings, unknown issues, and weeks ahead of crucial adjustments. There is little sleep, tons of appointments, and a mountain of challenges to figure out what each child needs.
        
The greatest joys of fostering come from the success stories. The truly beautiful moments when the foster system works as it was intended. Those moments when you get to walk alongside biological parents, coparenting, and supporting the growth of a healthy new family structure. Other great joys come from knowing that no matter how long a child is with you, you are giving every ounce of love, structure, and support that you possibly can. This may be the only time in a young child’s life that they have this, and it can make a lifelong impact.

We heard about Austin Angels from our friend who was a Love Box sponsor. She was telling us about all that they did to walk alongside their foster family in their journey of fostering. We have never had much support from the community and the thought of there being others out there that wanted to share in the good, the bad, and the unknowns of fostering was truly amazing. I was so astonished that such a program existed and couldn’t wait to get involved. One of the fears that I had was that we would come off as being needy. The first few months were really hard to come up with a list of things that would be helpful for us. But the love and encouragement from our sponsors got us to open up more about things that were really helpful.
 
Before the Love Box program our support system was very small. Few people actually understood what it was that we were going through. We had one person who would babysit for our children and no one really asked us how things were going. Now we have a number of amazing families in our lives who have supported us so much and have been part of our fostering/adoption journey. It has been great to see relationships grow and to see understanding of what foster care really is.

One of the greatest things we have gained from the Love Box program has been a sense of community and support. There is a whole community we can reach out to that understands what we are going through. They serve our children knowing how being a foster, adoptive, or biological child impacts our lives. They have helped us have great family experiences together like joining soccer, camping, and visits with our Love Box sponsors. We have gained lifelong friendships through this experience.

There are a lot of things that become cost-prohibitive with such a large family. The support of helping to normalize these things for our family has made such a positive impact on our family. From helping with school supplies to creating fun summer activities for us to do as a family, it has supported our family dynamic and helped to make lasting memories together. As the mom of the family, having the support when things get rough and knowing I can reach out to talk is so precious.

When we received our newborn baby boy I was just starting a new job. I was completely exhausted with the late night feedings, withdrawal symptoms, organizing childcare for 6 children, and trying to keep up with my wife/mother duties. One day I came home from work completely exhausted and having not slept for more than 4 hours in 5 days. Melanie had brought a warm dinner, smile, and a hug. It was exactly what I needed. I cried happy tears that someone cared enough to bring us a meal. It was truly touching.

Get togethers are the best. We have had Christmas parties together and birthday parties. A couple of my favorites were the baby shower we had for our foster baby going back home to his daddy. Seeing how much they poured love on the bio dad was incredible. And then things came full circle and they came to our adoption party for our two girls. They had been such a huge support during our journey with them. It was so great to have them at the adoption and party to celebrate with us. 

The Love Box program has really helped me come up with different ways for people to help ourselves and other families. It is a great option for those who want to help children in need but don’t feel called to foster.

Photos by France Photographers